I wanted to write this post for Minimalist Monday not only to declutter certain areas in your life, but also in order to be able to help others out there regarding relationships. Have you ever felt like you were strained or dragged down by people, not necessarily materialistic items? You need to get rid of some “friends” in your life.
Negative people will suck the life out of you. Those people out there are real. They’ve dealt with some serious (or maybe not-so serious) events in their lives so they are now vomiting their negative energy and words on to you for some reason. Watch out for people who are: jealous, insecure, gossipy, and 100% pessimists, like Sadness from Inside Out (just kidding, I love her, but from afar…).
Here are some ways to help you realize who these people are, and following up with what we learned from Marie Kondo: asking yourself, “does he/she give me joy?”
They are constantly talking negatively about you and/or other people. These people want to be kept out of conversations, so instead, they throw somebody else under the bus. They cannot find a positive trait about someone, it’s so hard for them!
They accuse you of being someone else when they barely even know you at all. They think they know you. They call you hurtful things, try to describe you. I guess this “friend” has been very observant of you from afar. This one makes me laugh because I see it as this person trying to be you for a day in their head, and really struggling to find words for you. How human of us.
They will manipulate others into thinking a certain way about you. This is called gossip. We all have friends who gossip. In order to not turn into this “friend”, we must turn away and go another direction. The less they see you or the less information you share with them the less they will have to say when making things up about you.
They will never compliment you, or say nice things about you. They want to be above you. Complimenting you is not in their vocabulary and it is really difficult for them to hand over a valuable position to somebody else. Have you noticed it’s difficult, particularly for women, to call each other or oneself beautiful? Let’s change that. Try complimenting this person. Maybe they’re not used to the compliments, or maybe they hear them all of the time, but whatever the reason they don’t practice this on you, kill them with kindness with this. You will feel better about your honest compliment and attempt to break down their heavy wall. It will ease them up if you are the nice one first. Bonus points if the next time around they beat you to it! Good job, you’ve fulfilled the task!
They will act differently with you than they do with others. Clearly this person-“friend” does not enjoy being around you. Sorry to sound so harsh, but don’t you see that they have a problem with being around awesome people? They don’t like that you inspire joy, smile all of the time, and that everyone loves you! Avoid this person as much as possible, even in inevitable situations. You just must.
How you can cope:
- Ignore negative comments. Don’t affirm them except when they start being positive. Simply say “ok” and move on.
- Avoid them. This one may be tough if they are a family member or a co-worker, but try to declutter them from your daily routine.
- Compliment them. They need to feel genuine love.
- Try to empathize with them. You don’t know why they act this way towards you but remember, if you haven’t reacted in any malicious way in the past then, it’s not you!
- Don’t talk about heavy topics. This will cause a stir in their heart and if you know which buttons to press to get them going, you better change the subject.
I hope these tips that I’ve used in the past can help you to remove un-joyful people from your daily routine to have a majorly happy life!