I wanted to share something rather important to me that might help others realize they’re not alone on this.
Walt Disney was fired from the Kansas City Star because his editor felt he lacked imagination and had no good ideas.
Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first television job as an anchor in Baltimore for getting too emotionally invested in her stories.
Steven Spielberg was rejected by the University of Southern California School of Cinematic Arts multiple times.
Thomas Edison’s teachers told him he was too stupid to learn anything.
Albert Einstein had difficulty communicating as a child, learning the traditional way, and had some behavioral issues.
J.K. Rowling was a single mother living off of welfare when she began writing the first “Harry Potter” book.
All of these people became wildly successful in their lives, contradicted the norm thought, and didn’t really care what others had to say about them through their process.
As for me, I struggle with my story because I tend to live in the past a lot.
You see, God gave me the desire to help others as part of my job. He also gave me the wild desire of earning a lot of money in order to give it to the rest of His children. I would like to describe myself as a very charitable person, and I’ve had loads of stories on giving back to my brothers and sisters years back.
I am not stuck in a dead-end job. I am not struggling for money. However, I keep asking myself, “Why won’t a graduate school accept me?”
Rejection is one of the worst feelings a human can feel, in my opinion, and I have felt this a lot in the past few years. From people, from school, you name it. Maybe it is the age where I speak my mind more, or dare I say, dive into new things and hobbies and risk my appearance that make me more susceptible to rejection and damage. There’s also social media, which can be the total devil, amIright? Comparison with other people your age, jealousy between parties, etc. I’ve realized I have been caught up in the cycle of trying to find out whom I’m supposed to be in society and how I need to contribute.
I cried for days back when I received rejection emails (not even letters! Gasp!) to graduate school. In a field where there are yearly averaging 600 applications to 1 school ratio and 20 spots open for the graduate class, unless I’m near-perfect, my chances were slim to none. Thoughts of “I’m stupid. I’m not smart. I’m not as valuable” would arise every so often. I would see others get into graduate school in the same or other fields and ask myself “whyyyyyyyy not me? I love what I do!” Inadequacy would stomp at my door once in a while and wanted to settle into my brain. I let it.
But what if I am different? What if this is purposely God’s doing? I think 99% of earth and how media drives it today would tell me “well, try harder. There are just better people out there. They’re smarter than you” (or possibly not tell me and just think it while they hide behind a curtain of encouragement).
When I tear away these insecurities, and frankly, great job, Enemy, for wedging yourself in my brain, I start to see a clearer picture of “me.”
I had almost a perfect 4.0, I graduated with my professors liking me and developed good relationships with them, I might have not aced the GRE but, gosh, I never will because standardized testing is just the devil (see a reoccurring theme??), and I had great in-field work experience and stupendous recommendation letters. So why not me?
I’ll tell you why.
Because God gave Jesus the labor of a carpenter. He was a carpenter, y’all. And now Jesus is one of the most known characters in history, whether you’re a Christian or not. He wasn’t given the role of managing a huge company, or overseeing a city as mayor, or a doctor. Although those are amazing roles and much needed, God is telling you something.
He can use anyone.
He uses you and me today to work in other people’s lives to change their troubled hearts to peace. He gives us the knowledge to understand that we won’t understand why we are where we are, but to understand how-to live our lives. He gives us common-labor jobs sometimes to humble ourselves in developing relationships with people whom truly need your help.
So as we sit here and complain about our current situations or why we aren’t in a better place, think of the bigger picture. For me, I’ve been praying for God to use me to help others in all of my walks of life. So, maybe it’s not to go into graduate school. After much reflection, I realized that there may be a part of me that doubted graduate school, even minimally. Going to graduate school isn’t going to increase my number in population of how many people I can help. I am already doing that daily through work and relationships off-work.
“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.”-Psalm 37:4
He planted those desires in you for a reason, and He is going to use those desires as He sees fit for His kingdom. He hasn’t forgotten about you. He is dealing with you in a much bigger picture than you can currently see yourself in. So don’t go on comparing of where you should be and why you haven’t been given a certain blessing. Although it may hurt, God does not stop using you.